I've always thought of myself as smart and talented. Maybe everyone starts life feeling that way. There are a lot of people who don't end up feeling smart or talented though, and I've suffered that at times.
In first grade, my school selected the top few students and had us go through several tests. As a result, they placed me in the Gifted and Talented program with three other children. From then, I derived a lot of my identity from being the smart guy. Occasionally, we'd have contests to do a set of math problems or spell a series of words or give definitions. Sometimes I won. Sometimes I didn't.
In high school physics class, we had quarterly projects to build things. The first project was a paper tower. We were to build the tallest possible tower out of a single letter-sized sheet of paper, with the grade awarded on meeting and exceeding height limits. I built the widest possible tower, by which I mean the only tower I could actually build that stayed up was a sheet of paper lying on its side. At least the teacher gave a C on that assignment for everyone who participated. The other three assignments (a wooden bridge, a rubberband-powered boat, and a rubberband-powered car) were easier, though it became clear that my ability to build things with my hands did not match my ability to think things through.
This is a long way of saying that I want people to know me for my insights, my intellect, and the talents that I have and exercise. I'd rather spend my time playing to my strengths — writing, programming, analysing — then spend my time on my weaknesses, only using my natural talents to slop through the parts where I know they can produce something decent in a short time.
I want to be a wise man, perhaps a respected elder. I have grown in wisdom over the past few years; it's amazing to reconsider how little I knew during college, for example. Still, the depth of intellect and experience that several of my coworkers and colleagues demonstrate amazes me. I would like to join their ranks some day.
I want to be a good example of humanity and masculinity for my nephew. He's still very young but my recollections and perceptions of my uncles shaped a lot of my younger life. I looked up to them greatly for many years (and still respect them). I want to demonstrate maturity, kindness, respect for women and humankind, social responsibility, caring, and knowledge and intelligence. I also feel a greater desire to make the world a better place because he is in it — he relies on his parents and family and friends for absolutely everything. It's amazing both how little he can do for himself even now and how much that means to me.
Someday I want to be a good husband. I want to be strong and steady, helping to build a safe and secure home. I want my wife to know that I love her completely and will always act in her best interests. I want to be the kind of man who is worthy of her trust, in whom she can always believe and can always rely on to support and protect her.
In some ways, I don't want to be famous. In other ways I want to have a reputation for being truthful and, again, wise. I don't know how to reconcile this conflict. The parts of fame that bother me are the lack of privacy and the tendency for people to focus more on the fame than the person or his ideas.
I want to achieve something meaningful and lasting. In some ways, I have already done this. Though there are thousands of books published every year, holding the first copy of a new book I've written or edited is still special. Thousands of people will read it and perhaps hundreds will take some of the lessons and ideas and apply them to their own lives.
Countless people use and benefit from software I've helped to create and to give away for free. I like the idea that my work in solving a problem I faced will solve that problem for anyone.
Personally, I'd like to be more compassionate. I can be very distant and even cold at times. I want to help people with their true needs without spending more time worrying about how I can take care of myself or whether they're taking advantage of me. I have no idea how to do this.
I would like to live a disciplined life. I want to plan what I need to do every day and do it with less wavering and fewer distractions. I want to know my budget, take care of the incidentals, and have the energy and time to enjoy the rest of my day, knowing that I have finished what I need to do to maintain my life and have taken the next step toward achieving my goals.
I want to feel more confident financially. Part of this is tracking my budget and sticking with it and part of it is making my wealth grow. I already live frugally, spending less than I earn and saving a large portion. I would like to continue this, reaching the point where I do not have to worry about my finances at all through a combination of applied discipline becoming habits and a large enough wealth to provide for myself and my family.
I want to be kind to other people. I want to be such a good friend and neighbor and mentor that it inspires them to do the same. I want to demonstrate fairness, compassion, and even a little self-sacrifice. I don't particularly want people to think of me when I do this either. I want them to recognize that the world would be a better place if we were less selfish, more giving, and respectful of each other.
Maybe these aren't all realistic — they're ideals! — but I like them and try to live up to them.